Why Couples therapy doesn't work for you?
You decided that your couple needs professional help. You want to improve your communication skills, to find a fire, understand better your partner. You found a therapist in your neighborhood, you convinced your partner, you started the therapy and in th matter of fact it doesn't work!Why????!!!!
The reasons of this situation can be various. Maybe you fall down into one of this most common traps:
1. You wait too long. It's better to save the ship before he starts to sinking. Couples have a much better chance at repairing their relationship if they catch the problems early on. The accumulation of misunderstandings, injuries, involuntary or voluntary disloyalties and betrayals has a great impact on your couple condition and may make the reconciliation or settlement impossible to obtain.
2. You haven't found the right therapist. Make sure that the therapist you chose is using the appropriate approach for your couple. If you want to communicate better do not choose the psycho-dynamic approach. Don't forget that couples therapy requires many specific skills
3.You are not honest with your therapist. It's frustrating and pointless working with couples when one or both parties don't tell me the truth. A good therapist will not judge you, but needs to know everything in order to help you.
4. You are not showing up for the session or you're rescheduling your appointments over and over again. If you want that your couples therapy works don't forget that requires your engagement and sort of discipline. If you're rescheduling your appointments, sooner or later you will lost the rhythm and you will need to start from the beginning. Sorry for that but it's true. To get the better results be there on time and be ready to participate. Turn off your phone and put it away. Do your best to listen, share, and have an open mind.
5. You are not doing your homework. Most of the couples therapy require work between sessions. You may be asked to fill out some questionnaire. You may be asked to practice communication skills or do some exercise. Sometimes there may be some materials to read. If it sounds like school, it actually is: you're learning new relationship skills to improve you couples life.
6. You expect results immediately. Couples often want quick fixes to problems that have built up over years, perhaps even decades. Don't expect couples therapy to work magic overnight. Don't expect the therapist to "fix" your problems it's not his role —a good therapist will support you and will act more as a relationship coach. Be patient, maybe in time, if you do your part well, there's hope that you and your partner can remember the good things that brought you together in the first place.